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About Uppsala

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

Adult nights out in London

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First off, I had to run to the office on Storgatan. You know, the main street? Yeah, that one. I’m sprinting down the sidewalk, dodging tourists like I’m in some weird video game. I swear, these folks don’t know how to walk! Like, c’mon, it’s not that hard. Anyway, I finally get to the office, and guess what? The printer’s jammed. Classic. I mean, who even uses printers anymore?